My wife runs the house much better than I could so I think she could be a linesman or a referee or even a football manager and that's the truth.

I feel like I've been on EastEnders all my life and now I'm playing King Lear.

I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season!

Roy Keane's like a shark. He has those eyes. You don't know if he is going to buy you a drink or eat you.

To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee.

My ceiling's broken, my car's got a puncture and we've just lost two matches. But I've got my health and I'll ask the big man upstairs why he didn't give us a point.

I feel like a steaming cow-pat - or a car that's clocked up 400,000 miles in one journey.