My ceiling's broken, my car's got a puncture and we've just lost two matches. But I've got my health and I'll ask the big man upstairs why he didn't give us a point.

I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose that's one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.

There was a spell in the second half when I took my heart off my sleeve and put it in my mouth.

The dietician is going to get rid of that when he comes in. Although, first, we've got to get a dietician.

Sepp Blatter and all of them lot Mr Platini I know he was a good player but he aint very good at what he does, I don’t think. I think he’s useless you can quote me on that.

Apparently it’s my fault that the Titanic sank.

It was lucky that the linesman wasn't stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake.