To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee.

This club needs an impetus of energy - but I just feel tired to be honest. I'm worn out.

The dietician is going to get rid of that when he comes in. Although, first, we've got to get a dietician.

Managing a league club is like making love to a mermaid... you should always be aiming for a top half finish

I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark.

I feel like a steaming cow-pat - or a car that's clocked up 400,000 miles in one journey.

He's going to be what?! Oh for God's sake. Sir David Beckham? You're having a laugh. He's just a good footballer with a famous bird.