I feel like a steaming cow-pat - or a car that's clocked up 400,000 miles in one journey.

I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season!

It was lucky that the linesman wasn't stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake.

My wife runs the house much better than I could so I think she could be a linesman or a referee or even a football manager and that's the truth.

It's all very well having a great pianist playing but it's no good if you haven't got anyone to get the piano on the stage in the first place, otherwise the pianist would be standing there with no bloody piano to play.

In football you need to have everything in your cake mix to make the cake taste right. One little bit of ingredient that Tony uses in his cake that gets talked about all the time is Rory's throw. Call that cinnamon and he's got a cinnamon flavoured cake.

My ceiling's broken, my car's got a puncture and we've just lost two matches. But I've got my health and I'll ask the big man upstairs why he didn't give us a point.