You never count your chickens before they hatch. I used to keep parakeets and I never counted every egg thinking I would get all eight birds. You just hoped they came out of the nest box looking all right. I'm like a swan at the moment. I look fine on top of the water but under the water my little legs are going mad.

Every dog has its day - and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark.

I watched Arsenal in the Champions League the other week playing some of the best football I've ever seen and yet they couldn't have scored in a brothel with two grand in their pockets!

This club needs an impetus of energy - but I just feel tired to be honest. I'm worn out.

I feel like I've been on EastEnders all my life and now I'm playing King Lear.

Apparently it’s my fault that the Titanic sank.

The dietician is going to get rid of that when he comes in. Although, first, we've got to get a dietician.