I watched Arsenal in the Champions League the other week playing some of the best football I've ever seen and yet they couldn't have scored in a brothel with two grand in their pockets!

My wife runs the house much better than I could so I think she could be a linesman or a referee or even a football manager and that's the truth.

There was a spell in the second half when I took my heart off my sleeve and put it in my mouth.

You never count your chickens before they hatch. I used to keep parakeets and I never counted every egg thinking I would get all eight birds. You just hoped they came out of the nest box looking all right. I'm like a swan at the moment. I look fine on top of the water but under the water my little legs are going mad.

I've got four women in my house - my wife and my three daughters - and I tell you what, it's pretty scary. I keep my head down and if we're out shopping I try and look in a man's shop while they make their minds up.

Roy Keane's like a shark. He has those eyes. You don't know if he is going to buy you a drink or eat you.

I feel like a steaming cow-pat - or a car that's clocked up 400,000 miles in one journey.