If you're a burglar, it's no good waiting about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy.

I feel like I've been on EastEnders all my life and now I'm playing King Lear.

I am more than happy at Blackpool and I am afraid the chairman will need a hell of a tub of cream to get rid of me - I'm like a bad rash and not easily curable.

I feel like a steaming cow-pat - or a car that's clocked up 400,000 miles in one journey.

The dietician is going to get rid of that when he comes in. Although, first, we've got to get a dietician.

Roy Keane's like a shark. He has those eyes. You don't know if he is going to buy you a drink or eat you.

My old trainer used to tell us not to blast, but to caress the ball whenever we took possession. If the ball were a woman... she would be spending all night with Berbatov.