I am more than happy at Blackpool and I am afraid the chairman will need a hell of a tub of cream to get rid of me - I'm like a bad rash and not easily curable.

The dietician is going to get rid of that when he comes in. Although, first, we've got to get a dietician.

You never count your chickens before they hatch. I used to keep parakeets and I never counted every egg thinking I would get all eight birds. You just hoped they came out of the nest box looking all right. I'm like a swan at the moment. I look fine on top of the water but under the water my little legs are going mad.

Apparently it’s my fault that the Titanic sank.

I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark.

Sometimes when you aim for the stars, you hit the moon.

There was a spell in the second half when I took my heart off my sleeve and put it in my mouth.