I feel like I've been on EastEnders all my life and now I'm playing King Lear.

My wife runs the house much better than I could so I think she could be a linesman or a referee or even a football manager and that's the truth.

I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season!

Managing a league club is like making love to a mermaid... you should always be aiming for a top half finish

I am more than happy at Blackpool and I am afraid the chairman will need a hell of a tub of cream to get rid of me - I'm like a bad rash and not easily curable.

To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee.

If I fell into a barrel of boobs, I'd come out sucking my thumb