You can say that strikers are very much like postmen: they have to get in and out as quick as they can before the dog starts to have a go.

The dietician is going to get rid of that when he comes in. Although, first, we've got to get a dietician.

I am more than happy at Blackpool and I am afraid the chairman will need a hell of a tub of cream to get rid of me - I'm like a bad rash and not easily curable.

If I fell into a barrel of boobs, I'd come out sucking my thumb

I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose that's one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.

I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season!

My old trainer used to tell us not to blast, but to caress the ball whenever we took possession. If the ball were a woman... she would be spending all night with Berbatov.