Apparently it’s my fault that the Titanic sank.

To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee.

Every dog has its day - and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark.

If you're a burglar, it's no good waiting about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy.

My wife runs the house much better than I could so I think she could be a linesman or a referee or even a football manager and that's the truth.

My ceiling's broken, my car's got a puncture and we've just lost two matches. But I've got my health and I'll ask the big man upstairs why he didn't give us a point.

You can say that strikers are very much like postmen: they have to get in and out as quick as they can before the dog starts to have a go.