I don't like people who speak French in public places. This includes the French.

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic.

Favorite color: I hate colors.

Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written a word.

Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.

The word relationship best refers to the connection between parasite and host, or shark and remora. It's a biological term. I'd rather be a jerk than a scientist when it comes to love.

Never ask a woman why she's angry at you. She will either get angrier at you for not knowing, or she'll tell you. Both ways, you lose.