When I go out and race, I'm not trying to beat opponents, I'm trying to beat what I have done ... to beat myself, basically. People find that hard to believe because we've had such a bias to always strive to win things. If you win something and you haven't put everything into it, you haven't actually achieved anything at all. When you've had to work hard for something and you've got the best you can out of yourself on that given day, that's where you get satisfaction from.

I've missed out on a huge goal but the desire is still there.

Compared to how I have raced before and how I have competed, the success that I have had, this does look like doom compared to it.

The only thing is I am a little bit ashamed of is I didn't come out earlier, that I didn't have the strength to do it, the courage to break that lie. But everyone goes on their own path to do this, and I don't want the struggle to be so hard for other people.

I'll go for broke. Swim faster. It's not going to be easy - this whole thing was never going to be easy.

This Is Me”: ”For the record, I am not gay and all my sexual experiences have been straight. I'm attracted to women, I love children and aspire to have a family one day … I know what it's like to grow up and be told what your sexuality is, then realising that it's not the full reality. I was accused of being gay before I knew who I was.

I think now I'll probably take a few days off and enjoy the competition and then sit down with a few people and work out what is next, work out what the next preparation will be and what competition will be next.