It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.

The only reason people work for airlines is because the Nazi party is no longer hiring.

Everyone has their personal topics. My comedy has always been very strong on observational humor, it stems from what I see every day in my life.

Ladies, just know that when you grow your hair too long, you got about two inches difference between really hot, sexy supermodel - religious fanatic. Hot Maxim cover girl everybody wants a mouth kiss - unhealthy faith in your lord. Soft, silky, shiny hair everyone wants to touch - one of 12 brides.

You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches.

You're not a road comic till you've watched Real Sex and American Greed alone in your hotel room.

I always wished my dad was there to intimidate my boyfriends or something. It's supposed to be your dad giving your guys friends the stink-eye for sneaking beer through your house, not your mom.