It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.

You're not a road comic till you've watched Real Sex and American Greed alone in your hotel room.

It said, 'War Is Not the Answer.' I disagree. I think war absolutely is the answer. And if you don't agree with me, happy Fourth of July.

When you're missing your two front teeth, that's honesty. That is a door to your oral history. You're not covering anything up. You're saying, 'Hey world, I'm missing my front teeth. I'm gross; I'm dirty; I'm poor. I clearly have no problem with public urination and eating garbage. Don't come near me, I'll gum you to death!

It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.

I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm not black - but if I was then I could dance better.

You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches.