I'm, like, everybody's friend. I'm one of those dudes. I can be friends with anybody. Any race of person, any personality, I can kind of deal with them. I accept different types of people.

Women put guys through tests all the time.

I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

You don't want to take the world over with a whole hamper full of dirty clothes. That's the main thing people overlook. And take a shower, take a bath every day.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?