This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

You can't take everything that is offered to you. I pass on a lot of stuff, because I truly believe that I will shine better if I could do it 200 percent rather than do it 80 percent and make it so-so.

I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.

I'm looking to be the next comedy mogul.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing.