What happens in improv is you create your own storyline.

I’m trying to be the Jay-Z of comedy one day. I don’t know if there’s any comedy moguls out there, but I would love to be the first comedy mogul.

I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new path.

That's what I am; I'm a drip. You still get hydrated, you still get your nutrients, just a little at a damn time.

My wife is a vegetarian. When my wife is with me, I eat vegetarian. When she's not, I eat meat. I'm just being honest.

I'm putting on a suit and tie when I go see The Great Gatsby.

Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious.