I'm on my version of the protein diet, but there ain't no protein in it. It's a Krispy Kreme doughnut between two Cinnabons. And you soak it overnight in Red Bull. Then you chase it with a Snickers.

You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple.

I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You can wait for things to happen for you or you can make things happen for you.

I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.

I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons.