It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies.

I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons.

It's not even race; it's a certain type of person that gets 'Pootie Tang.

Believe it or not, I write on stage. I can't write anywhere else; I have to be in a moment. I also have to challenge myself to make something funny out of a premise. I never have my own jokes written. I have to change things as I go along, and I have to entertain myself.

When you're on stage performing stand-up, things only happen one time. I've done bits where I improv a joke, and people are dying. The next show, I try to repeat it, I can't do it. Because with the first audience that was our moment. It can't happen the same way again. We were all there: a certain type of people were at that show and we all got it.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late.