Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

The only way I'll ever get hurt in the casino is if there's an earthquake and a slot machine falls on my foot.

The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me except that I have a slight stomach pain. Wait till I get my hospital bill! Then I'll really have a pain the stomach!

Gags die, humor doesn't.