Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.

How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.

Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

Gags die, humor doesn't.