Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.

I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse.

I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.

When you talk about the world's greatest entertainer you have to say Al Jolson because there was no one like him. Only Judy Garland and perhaps Frank Sinatra got anywhere near him!

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.