Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.