No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.
Jack BennyMy wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Jack BennyGive me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Jack BennyI gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.
Jack Benny