As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.

I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.

I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.

How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.

Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.