I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.

Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents - that's my kind of guy.

I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.