I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me except that I have a slight stomach pain. Wait till I get my hospital bill! Then I'll really have a pain the stomach!

When you talk about the world's greatest entertainer you have to say Al Jolson because there was no one like him. Only Judy Garland and perhaps Frank Sinatra got anywhere near him!