Modesty is my best quality.

Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhere

I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip.

I'm happy to be making my first appearance on air professionally. By that I mean I'm finally getting paid, which I know will be a great relief to my creditors.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

I was going to buy my girl a Packard car for Christmas, but it took too long to deliver, so I bought her some handkerchiefs.

Modesty is my best quality.