Modesty is my best quality.

The only way I'll ever get hurt in the casino is if there's an earthquake and a slot machine falls on my foot.

Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhere

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents - that's my kind of guy.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.