Modesty is my best quality.

The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me except that I have a slight stomach pain. Wait till I get my hospital bill! Then I'll really have a pain the stomach!

How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.

Bill Paley is not only the greatest boss I ever had, but he's the most brilliant, honest and warm human being I've ever met. And I'll say that to his face - even if it costs me my job.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.