I'm happy to be making my first appearance on air professionally. By that I mean I'm finally getting paid, which I know will be a great relief to my creditors.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.