The only way I'll ever get hurt in the casino is if there's an earthquake and a slot machine falls on my foot.
I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.
There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.
I'm happy to be making my first appearance on air professionally. By that I mean I'm finally getting paid, which I know will be a great relief to my creditors.
How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.
I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.