A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.

Modesty is my best quality.

No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.