No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.

Modesty is my best quality.

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.

Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

I'm happy to be making my first appearance on air professionally. By that I mean I'm finally getting paid, which I know will be a great relief to my creditors.