I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.

The only way I'll ever get hurt in the casino is if there's an earthquake and a slot machine falls on my foot.

I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.