I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

Bill Paley is not only the greatest boss I ever had, but he's the most brilliant, honest and warm human being I've ever met. And I'll say that to his face - even if it costs me my job.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front... the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all.

No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

I'm happy to be making my first appearance on air professionally. By that I mean I'm finally getting paid, which I know will be a great relief to my creditors.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.