I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.

How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.