I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.

Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhere

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.

I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.