I'm living in a very modest place. I have a room over-looking beautiful Claridge's Hotel. I thought it was better than paying Claridge's prices and overlooking the dump I'm living in.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me except that I have a slight stomach pain. Wait till I get my hospital bill! Then I'll really have a pain the stomach!

I was going to buy my girl a Packard car for Christmas, but it took too long to deliver, so I bought her some handkerchiefs.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.