I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse.
I was going to buy my girl a Packard car for Christmas, but it took too long to deliver, so I bought her some handkerchiefs.
Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.
Gags die, humor doesn't.
I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.
I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.