I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I'm happy to be making my first appearance on air professionally. By that I mean I'm finally getting paid, which I know will be a great relief to my creditors.

How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.

Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhere

Modesty is my best quality.

I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.