I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.