I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.

There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.