Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front... the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all.