Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.
I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.
Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.