Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.

Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhere

I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.