Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents - that's my kind of guy.

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.

I'm living in a very modest place. I have a room over-looking beautiful Claridge's Hotel. I thought it was better than paying Claridge's prices and overlooking the dump I'm living in.