A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.

I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.

I'm happy to be making my first appearance on air professionally. By that I mean I'm finally getting paid, which I know will be a great relief to my creditors.

I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.