Disneyland is such a big thing to Californians, I discovered that when you cross the border you have to raise your right hand and take an oath that you believe in Walt Disney.

The California cemeteries make dying sound so attractive it's a real effort to keep breathing.

The only non-believer I encountered was Oscar Levant who wouldn't visit Disneyland because he said he had his own hallucinations.

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

Poor people have more fun than rich people, they say; and I notice it's the rich people who keep saying it.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Statistics show that many people watch our show from the bedroom. and people you ask into your bedroom have to be more interesting than those you ask into your living room. I kid you not!