As I look back on my life, I see it as one long obstacle course with myself as the main obstacle.

Poor people have more fun than rich people, they say; and I notice it's the rich people who keep saying it.

She should get a divorce and settle down.

Disneyland is such a big thing to Californians, I discovered that when you cross the border you have to raise your right hand and take an oath that you believe in Walt Disney.

I'm not saying these flying discs don't really exist, but nobody living in Kansas City has seen them and that's a dry state.

We were ensconced as guests of the exclusive Beverly Hilton Hotel, an edifice so swank that the fire ax in the hall outside our suite said: "In case of fire-break crystal."

It's almost impossible to dislike me, because I do nothing.