Then there was the time in Hollywood when I sat down in a breakaway chair and it collapsed on me. I was nearly knocked out and might have been even more seriously hurt but my fall was broken by the smog.

We were ensconced as guests of the exclusive Beverly Hilton Hotel, an edifice so swank that the fire ax in the hall outside our suite said: "In case of fire-break crystal."

Poor people have more fun than rich people, they say; and I notice it's the rich people who keep saying it.

As I look back on my life, I see it as one long obstacle course with myself as the main obstacle.

It's almost impossible to dislike me, because I do nothing.

I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.

Looking back, my life so far seems like one long obstacle race, with me as its chief obstacle.