I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.

Looking back, my life so far seems like one long obstacle race, with me as its chief obstacle.

Personally, I like those mystery shows. Ever since I was a kid I've been crazy about blood and detectives and murder. Maybe I was born with a silver knife in my back.

I'm complicated, sentimental, lovable, honest, loyal, decent, generous, likable, and lonely. My personality is not split; it's shredded.

As I was saying before I was interrupted ... I believe the last thing I said was 'There must be a better way to make a living than this.' Well, I've looked - and there isn't.

The only non-believer I encountered was Oscar Levant who wouldn't visit Disneyland because he said he had his own hallucinations.

The California cemeteries make dying sound so attractive it's a real effort to keep breathing.