I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.

Statistics show that many people watch our show from the bedroom. and people you ask into your bedroom have to be more interesting than those you ask into your living room. I kid you not!

It's almost impossible to dislike me, because I do nothing.

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

The California cemeteries make dying sound so attractive it's a real effort to keep breathing.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Randy and I were goggle-eyed as we gazed over the wonders of what Walt Disney had wrought. It was a magnificent demonstration of what God could do if He had more imagination.