As I was saying before I was interrupted ... I believe the last thing I said was 'There must be a better way to make a living than this.' Well, I've looked - and there isn't.

The California cemeteries make dying sound so attractive it's a real effort to keep breathing.

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

As I look back on my life, I see it as one long obstacle course with myself as the main obstacle.

Looking back, my life so far seems like one long obstacle race, with me as its chief obstacle.

Personally, I like those mystery shows. Ever since I was a kid I've been crazy about blood and detectives and murder. Maybe I was born with a silver knife in my back.

It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger.