When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!

People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.

I've found that my humor goes over big in London.

I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?

All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.