When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people.