Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
Jackie MasonI have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.
Jackie MasonAmerica is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
Jackie MasonThey call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.
Jackie Mason