Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.

Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.

The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.