Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's "F" this and "F" that. They give you a whole series of swear words and it's really just a way for them to get themselves out of trouble when they can't come up with anything. They're irrelevant and ridiculous.

My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.

Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.

Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.