It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!

Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

I have no idea what's going to happen with America in the future.

Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.