I have no idea what's going to happen with America in the future.

There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.

It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.

Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why should a man want to read the Bible when he's with a woman alone in a motel room? Why would he be interested? Whatever he's praying for, he's already got!

The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

I've found that my humor goes over big in London.