The New York Times distorts and defrauds the news and then claims to be impartial. They never give an even-handed version of the news - that's the last thing they'd ever do.

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!

I've found that my humor goes over big in London.

Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.

I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!

Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.

Even the Republican Party doesn't have the legs to challenge Hillary Clinton.