I'm crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because they have so much to contribute and so many values to contribute to the world. It would be a much better world, a much more peaceful and non-violent world if we lived by Jewish values.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.

I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.